Gifts for a knitter

Published December 1, 2014 by Ellie

Got a knitter in your life? Don’t buy her yarn or needles, buy her some of this stuff instead. And yes, I said ‘her’, because 99.5% of knitters are women, HOWEVER, none of the things I’m about to suggest require a vagina to be effective, so if you’re buying for your freak of a male knitter, he’ll also get a kick out of this stuff. Read the rest of this entry →

Failing to overachieve

Published April 27, 2014 by Ellie

How many afghans are you knitting at the moment? It was rhetorical, shush. I’m knitting three, because I lovehate knitting afghans.

Two of them have a deadline. One has a deadline of June, and I’m only 25 rows in. Who does that? Me, apparently.

How many of them are paying commissions? None. Because they are commissioned by friends and family who don’t know what they’re asking for. And why didn’t I turn them down? Because they are friends and family who don’t know what they are asking for.

Wouldn’t be so bad if one didn’t require intricate cables (Tree of Life by Lion Brand) and if I didn’t drink on weekends, which is when I have most time to knit.

Who are these obsessive women who sign up for Ysolda Teague Mystery Knit Alongs and finish each clue in a matter of hours? I envy them. If only because their houses must look as unloved as mine, but they have beautiful knit pieces to show for it, instead of thoroughly read pages of I Can Has Cheezburger and Twitter, which are my daily achievements.

Girls and periods

Published November 28, 2013 by Ellie

Over the summer I sat down with my 9 year old and we had a very sensible discussion about periods. I explained that around the age of 13, your body decides to get ready to make a baby, so starts to make a safe place for one to grow. This happens every 4 weeks, whether or not you want a baby. It’s annoying, but that’s how it works. Once it realises there won’t be a baby, it clears out the safe place, and some of that stuff looks like blood…. Read the rest of this entry →